I think I broke up the band tonight. Or I might have just quit. I don’t know quite yet. I guess I will find out tomorrow. I try to keep things light on here (and sometimes humorous), but I need to get this out of my skull so that maybe I can rest a little more easy.
Communication and trust go hand in hand. When you’re working with a group of people and you say you’re going to do something that will affect the whole group… It might just be good to do it. There’s been a lack of communication as of late. Without that… Nobody knows what is going on. Important things don’t happen how and when they’re supposed to happen. It breaks trust. It also breaks my brain.
I think I’ve been ready to quit for awhile. I’m just too damned nice. “How will this affect the others?” It’s good to be thoughtful, but it’s another to hold all that up without taking into account as to how it could be affecting you. Things didn’t happen the way they needed to this week. I went to take a walk and started to panic. It turns out that this lack of communication as also left me with a lack of people to communicate with. I needed to talk to someone, so I did. I feel like shit that things happened this way, but I had to take my freaked out mind into consideration… I wanted to solve a problem… Head was spinning… For once… In a slightly shaky voice… I asked for help. I didn’t know what to do. I did what I thought was right. That should make me feel better, I think. Here I am almost two hours later… Stuck in it. I don’t know what kind of worms are going to come from this can I just opened, but I hope they’re quick and painless.
Hopefully this will all blow over in the next couple of days because I could use a break from this tense, hard to think, but harder to breathe way of feeling.